Only the Good Die Young
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Vector gets his head in the game to take some names, darling.


"Chahmee!" roared Vector, enraged by certain curtain cacti. He took them both and shoved into his smelling orifices. Now he was optimised like a Windows PC.

Espio heard of this and fired up his Mac. "Yo, boyo. Do not use of such inferior devices."

Charmy was busy doing his righteous sale on his Linux. He was giving people on the interwebs many copies of cologne for very fair prices. "See my greatness?" said the bee.

Vector scowled and set fire to his family album. No longer was Grandma Gertrude remembered due to the pyrokinetics of the crocodilian life.

Espio was kind of offended by the dead book. All he wanted for this day was peace and sane tacos.

Charmy reached into his bag of truth and extracted a single sane taco. "Do you wish?" he asked his purple brother.

"Yes, but I only wish three times a week," said Espio somewhat saddened by the rotation of Mercury's second equator.

"This is a very good thing to be worried about," said Vector with deep blue concern in his beautiful eyes. He turned them inside-out and handed a sample of his corneal radiation to Espio. Espio took the sample and stored it in his orange compartment.

"I want OJ," said Charmy.

Espio squeezed and handed the resulting grace to his bumblebee comrade.

"This is a thing I'm thankful for, bro," said Charmy. He drank all of his fluid goodness and release the power of chaos.

"Hello," said Shadow, knocking on the door.

"Oh dude!" shouted the guy named Samuel. He was Vector's cousin from Europe.

"Why is Europe pronounced that way?" asked Espio, crying into his mocha cappuccino.

Charmy swatted a cow. "This is just like how my ancestors would have perceived glory," he said with careful eyes on Vector's rocking tushtush.

Vector noticed that Shadow had a gun. "What do with that, bro?" he asked with the power in his left hand and a cool tuxedo on his impressive pecs and abs.

Shadow studied Vector's hot sauciness. He loped forward and placed his tongue on some stray pasta. He ate it all and this made Vector weep. His tears dropped like ire.

"The ground is wet now," said Shadow. "And I did not even relish in the true abundant glory…" He wept as well and set the gun from "stun" to "butt-kill".

"Careful about your butt," said Espio to his stinger-having guy.

"I hear and acknowledge," said Charmy. He ripped off his own rear and stowed it in Canada. Now no one would find it.

"You mean the lizards?" asked Diddy Kong.

"Yeah, King K. Rool and his cronies!" said Donkey Kong.

Vector gasped. "Cronies!?" He charged into Donkey Kong's house and snapped all of his bananas in two. Shadow followed in after him and shot the bananas to death. Shadow only had one bullet left. He shot it at DK's poster of Candy Kong.

Candy Kong walked into DK's house and saw her tarnished picture. "How did this happen?" she shouted angrily.

"My dearest gal pal!" cried the big burly ape.

"No, Donkey Kong! I am breaking up with you, so refrain from texting me ever again!" Candy said in classic Candy fashion.

"Hey, DK!" said Diddy with a blue cockatoo shoved in his right nostril. "You are girlfriendless and it is because of those two evildoers!"

DK raged by sneaking porcupines into his barrels and unleashing great fudgy brownies from his oven.

Vector took of one of the fudge brownies and swallowed it like a boa constrictor's favourite toothpaste.

"What do you sense in terms of satisfaction?" asked Shadow. He tossed his empty gun into the lake and watched as Nessie ate it. Nessie was like Kirby from the hit video game Kirby Stinkin' Star Bros. 7.

Vector wanted to cry more, so he did. This made a banana tree grow in the middle of DK's rickety shed.

"Neat," said Diddy. He ate some of Vector's tear bananas and became much more muscular. Diddy liked this newfound power and used it to his advantage. He broke DK in half in order to assert coolness to all the land. Even Funky thought it was the coolest thing ever. Bluster disagreed, but he was Vector's true father.

"Dad!" cried Vector.

"Hello, Son!" said Bluster. He smooched his kid and gave him a free Nintendo WiiTM.

"Thanks, Father!" said Vector.

"I thought I was your dad," said Shadow. He was very distressed and had Maria thoughts.

Vector frowned and turned to Espio and Charmy's gravestones. "When did this happen?"

"I was thinking the same thing," said you.

Just then, a karate-chopping guy named Maurice showed up.

"You are Maurice!" said Shadow with seven gasps in a row. He was so terrified at the true truth. "That was Sonic's name!"

"So this fellow is that same man," said Vector, making his face look at Maurice.

"Yes, I was Sonic, but now I am a changed Hedgehog," said the karate chopper. "I go by Maurice because I believe in the American Dream."

Vector believe only in his desire for kelp. He put two stacks of seaweed between two buns and fed them to his pet tarantula.

"How does he like it?" asked Maurice the Sonic.

Shadow made a very, very angry face at Maurice and punched the toad outta him like a mad bottle of hot sauce.

Vector smiled at how noble Shadow's fists were. He allowed Shadow a free chess board. Shadow accepted and became even better than Thor and Loki. He kicked their flingmakers to Mars and back.

Vector smiled again and raised his hand. It was his turn to play on the Xbox.

**THE END**


End file.
